Brigadier General Clayton is worried about his favorite M*A*S*H, the 4077. They treat so many casualties, so close to the front; he fears the 4077 is operating under more pressure than it can stand. Gen. Clayton sends a psychiatrist, Capt. Hildebrand, to evaluate the group on the QT. His report will determine the future of the 4077. Does Henry understand the concept of QT? Is Capt. Hildebrand smarter than he looks or does he have his own agenda? Written by LA-Lawyer

Every day for the past six weeks, at 5:00 o'clock p.m. on the nose, a North Korean washout from Kamikaze school has let loose a bomb in the general direction of the hospital's sub-ammo dump. Very affectionately known as Five O'Clock Charlie, the only thing he hits on the nose is the time. Every day, Radar opens book on the day's exploits and takes bets on how close (in yards) Charlie will come to the sub-ammo dump. It is an occasion for cocktails and frivolity at 4077, not unlike the Kentucky Derby... until Frank demands Henry get him a nug from Brigadier Gen. Clayton. Capt. Phil Cardozo, the singing dentist, gives the drunken duo a new slant on things. If there is anything that will beat Frank and his nug, it is 4 dozen sheets, 18 gallons of mercurochrome and a little thing called psychology. Written by LA-Lawyer

Every week, one of Radar's duties is to prepare the 4077 Weekly Report. This week, Radar highlights the Chinese POW who went berserk in the O.R. and held everyone at scalpel point, nearly killing Trapper's patient. Lt. Erika Johnson, the new nurse, tried to stop the POW. Corp. Klinger, the one who actually brought down the POW (and lost his very best brassiere in the process) is the big hero. But, Maj. Burns and Maj. Houlihan complained about Klinger; forcing Henry to request a divisional psychiatrist to evaluate Klinger. Enter Major Milton Sidney Freedman, psychiatrist and compatriot. Trapper's patient dies, and even he goes a little berserk as he watches the Chinese POW healing nicely. Henry calls it a slow week. Will Klinger sign a document professing to be a homosexual transvestite just to get a Section 8? Written by LA-Lawyer

Trapper and Hawkeye discover an inordinately large number of South Korean casualties from the village of Tae-Dong at the 4077. Together with Margaret and Frank, they were on duty and know the truth about Tae-Dong; it was an error made by the U.S. Army. But Frank refuses to sign the guys' report. Major Stoner of the Adjutant General's office travels to the 4077 to take statements and gather all of the evidence; supposedly, he is making a full report and publishing the findings in Stars and Stripes. It takes awhile before the drunken duo realize they have been had. When Brigadier Gen. Clayton tries to smooth ruffled feathers with Army double talk, Margaret misunderstands and thinks she and Frank have been had. But, Frank did well not to sign the Tae-Dong report. Because now, the 4077 personnel have possession of the shrapnel, records and other info gathered by Frank, even though Stoner stole theirs. They hold Clayton ransom: until their story is printed in Stars and Stripes, they ... Written by LA-Lawyer

Hawkeye has been placed on operational stand-down orders; he has been operating for 20 straight days and nights. Hawkeye cannot sleep. Frank has been to sleep 3 times while Hawkeye operated. Trapper tries to put Hawkeye to bed. Trapper told Hawkeye he went through 3 shifts of nurses; Hawkeye said yes, but he is still hungry. Margaret worries if Hawkeye tries to operate, he will not be able to work at par. Radar tries to put Hawkeye to bed. Hawkeye cannot sleep. He wakes Trapper and tells him he must find out who started the war so he can stop it. Hawkeye still cannot sleep; and so he sends a telegram. Soon, Hawkeye's friends are unable to sleep. Written by LA-Lawyer

Hawkeye operates on a wounded five year old boy. As Henry passes out in the Mess Tent, the guys tease Radar about his huge appetite. Radar tries to find the little boy's family. Hawkeye reads smut to young Kim as the rest of the staff fights over his care. Henry calls Sister Theresa's orphanage as Trapper writes to his wife about adopting Kim; Trapper's wife is delighted. Everyone at 4077 (but Frank) falls in love with Kim. He sleeps over with Radar and with Margaret, he helps Henry at work, Klinger plays ball with him and Trapper makes toys for Kim. At a picnic, tragedy strikes when the child wanders into a minefield. (Frank is as good a babysitter as he is a surgeon) and Trapper goes in after him. Can Kim and Trapper be rescued? When man is put to the ultimate test, will he do what is best for the one he loves? Written by LA-Lawyer

Father Mulcahy always feels out of place at the Mess Tent movies when the lights come up...but for once, Hawkeye's date, Lt. Regina Hoffman, is not playing footsie. Regina shakes hands; Trapper thinks she is some kind of weirdo. Cpl. Phil Walker asks a huge favor of Hawkeye: he has a baby and he needs to marry the Korean mother, Kim, so he can take them to the States. The 4077 crew all have different ideas on the Walker matter. Hawkeye breaks a date with Regina to talk to the hard-nosed CID man investigating Walker; Lt. Willis is not sympathetic. Hawkeye and Trapper try a little construction and build a very nice frame. Hawkeye learns some very disturbing news about Regina. Will there be a wedding at the 4077? Can Hawkeye get his handshake back? Written by LA-Lawyer

Henry is in trouble; Frank and Hotlips have made serious charges against him: Radar sold shoes for the Style Rite Shoe company; Klinger tried to para-escape the Army on a red parasail wearing fuzzy pink slippers. Henry was the announcer for the Derby Day races where a guy, a girl and a gurney ran for the roses. These charges are bad enough to cause General Mitchell to place Henry under regimental arrest. Radar is sent back to the 4077 to gather evidence to answer the worst charge, giving aid or comfort to the enemy. The power-mad Majors arrest Hawkeye and Trapper and post guards so they cannot escape to help their C.O. Who will save Henry? Written by LA-Lawyer

The crew at 4077 is so bored, Frank and Trapper play cards together, as Hawkeye writes his dad. A patient, Condon, who is also an ignorant bigot, wants the right color of blood used in his transfusion. A soldier comes into OR with a live grenade that was shot into his body; both patient and doctor survive. Margaret may be a royal pain, but she is always there to assist in the tough cases. At Happy Hour, Henry tells Father Mulcahy how he came to be drafted. The drunken duo decide to add some color to Condon's recovery. In Henry's office, Radar screens Blake home movies for Henry, Trapper and Hawkeye. Father Mulcahy boxes a few rounds as Hotlips and Frank practice some strange mating rituals. The 4077 monthly officers' meetings are an ongoing disaster, until they officially end the war. Condon gets a lesson about Dr. Charles Drew and he leaves the 4077 with a lot to think about. Written by LA-Lawyer

Trapper has a cold and is doing laundry; Hawkeye prepares for a picnic with a new nurse, Suzanne Marquette, (Teri Garr) as Frank plays with his pearl-handled pistol. As the picnickers cavort and Hotlips and Frank set up for shooting practice, they draw fire from a sniper. Radar and Henry are trapped in the showers, Frank and Hotlips try to keep order in the hospital. Trapper calls HQ and help is not coming for at least 24 hours. Hawkeye wants to surrender so the hospital can continue to run, but the sniper does not like his idea. Hawkeye and Frank have a rare chat and decide to be heroes. Will the 4077 be saved? What does the sniper want? Is Gen. MacArthur's own HQ as busy as the 4077 M*A*S*H? Written by LA-Lawyer

Kindly refrain from kissing anyone unless absolutely necessary is Henry's advice when a bad strain of flu virus strikes the 4077. Trapper is down early and has a pretty new nurse, Lt. Sheila Anderson. Nurse Jacobs puts Henry to bed and she grabs the next one for herself. The 4077 crew is dropping like flies: Frank collapses in the OR. Hawkeye is the lone MD and no help is coming anytime soon; Hotlips is ranking officer in charge of administration. Hawkeye drafts Father Mulcahy to operate with Sheila; Margaret works with Nurse Wilson. Nurse Kellye floats as Hawkeye bobs between patients. Radar still cannot find any replacements and the sick are getting sicker. Radar is drafted into OR duty. But, when Hawkeye finally comes down with the flu, there is no rest for the wicked. Written by LA-Lawyer

After an epic Swamp debauch to end all debauchery, the drunken duo give up on alcohol. They are upset when one of their patients has an infection which the 4077 cannot identify. They determine that the 4077 needs an incubator, so they call the Quartermaster. Capt. Sloan is from the 375th QMHQ COMSEAPAC SEOULSEC REPDEP...Hawkeye needs a drink. But, according to Sloan, an incubator is a luxury item. So the drunken duo go on a quest for luxury. They meet inept supply sergeants, hoarder, Major Morris, and the cupidinous Col. Lambert who is willing to give the guys what they want...for $1000 U.S. cash. General Mitchell (the one who investigated Henry) is the next man on the totem pole--he may not be the brightest bulb on the tree, but he is honest. And by the end of the meeting, he wants Pierce and McIntyre on spits, roasting. If only the guys had known where the top is located, they could have saved trouble and started their quest for an incubator in the right department. Written by LA-Lawyer

At 1800 hours, Major Sidney Freedman (Allan Arbus) and Captain Sam Pak (Pat Morita) meet for the usual conference at The Swamp. Frank is on duty in OR and Radar asked to borrow Henry's jeep to go to the Purple Dragon. Klinger is first to deal in at the conference, attired in sweater, skirt and earrings. En route to his big night, Radar meets Whiplash Hwang, the fall-down king of Korea. Henry is first to deal out to help Radar. Frank is too scared to operate on a CID man without another one present. As Henry deals in, the Captains deal out to prevent the CID man from cashing in altogether from his severe internal injuries. Frank calls CID and snitches to CID Captain Halloran (Edward Winters) but Halloran prefers to deal in than to arrest surgeons. Frank mercilessly taunts Private Carter (John Ritter) in Post Op. Severe battle fatigue and/or Frank's personality induces Carter to grab Frank at gunpoint in the shower. If you want inscrutable, it is 5-card stud, high-low, buy ... Written by LA-Lawyer

It is mail call at the 4077. Henry gets a film from The Tabasco Film Company of Havana, Cuba and Frank gets the latest on his stock portfolio. And Margaret is in the worst possible mood. She, too, received a letter that day (and a photograph) from a nurse with whom she trained in the States, Trisha Spaulding. Trisha married a doctor Margaret rejected; Trisha has the children, house, swimming pool, cars and the life Margaret could have had. All of this causes Margaret to reevaluate her life. She dumps Frank and asks for immediate transfer. Frank writes to his wife; Hawkeye and Trapper bring Margaret a bottle of champagne. This starts Hotlips on an unaccustomed toot. With injured Marines imminent, a drunk Head Nurse could be a Major problem--and it would go on her permanent record. If ever Margaret had a friend (or two), this would be the time for them to volunteer for duty. Written by LA-Lawyer

Trapper and Hawkeye remove a veritable junkyard from paratrooper, Gary Mitchell, and incur the undying gratitude of Gen. Mitchell, his father. Gen. Mitchell sends the pair on a drunken toot to Tokyo which ends up tiring Radar and Henry more than the revellers. Upon their return to camp, they find Frank arranged for Gen. Mitchell to give the 4077 a club for Officers Only. This is not so nifty for the enlisted men...and they are not about to let the officers forget it. Can Trapper and Hawkeye think of a way to bring down the sign...without bringing down the whole club around it? Written by LA-Lawyer

The mid-life crisis hits 44 year old Henry Blake right in the gut; Henry returns from Tokyo invigorated. Henry is in love: the big LUV. Nancy Sue Parker is a civilian typist with the U.S. Air Force and will be 21 years old in August. When Nancy Sue visits the camp on Friday, she finds every one and thing adorable. But Nancy Sue is a flirt who likes tall, powerful men. She even makes a play for Hawkeye. Will someone step in and keep Henry from wrecking his marriage and his life? Written by LA-Lawyer

Supply sent 5000 diapers and 5000 pairs of rubber pants to 4077 in the middle of winter. It is no surprise when the new pair of boots Hawkeye ordered 3 months ago have not arrived. But it is surprising the lengths Hawkeye and Trapper will have to travel to expedite the order. The supply sergeant wants a favor, the person doing the supply sergeant's favor wants a favor, and so on, and so forth, down the line. In 1/100 of the time it takes to construct a solid line of mutual back scratching, one unscratched back can cause the entire line to break. Will Hawkeye ever get his boots? Written by LA-Lawyer

Another day, another complaint to Gen. Mitchell, compliments of Hotlips, Inc. and Henry is tired of their constant abuse. To make matters worse, Private Danny Baker keeps going AWOL. With the help of Fr. Mulcahy, Hawkeye and Trapper get to the bottom of Baker's trouble: his huge nose. Hawkeye calls his old buddy, renowned plastic surgeon, Major Stanley Stosh Robbins, (Stuart Margolin) to perform the surgery...in exchange for a date with The Barracuda. The big problem: all elective surgery is against U.S. military regulations. Hotlips, Inc. are very suspicious. But promises were made and contingency plans laid. Will Baker get a new nose? Will Stosh meet The Barracuda? Dig through all of the white tape to find out! Written by LA-Lawyer

Capt. Sam Pak (Pat Morita) is visiting and Frank bristles at the notion that he should be expected to learn a few words of Korean. An ox walks into Henry's tent, owned by a family of five Koreans who claim the 4077 stole their farm. Henry tries to get Civilian Affairs to handle the Korean family. When things cannot get much worse, a young lady named Choon Hi walks in carrying a baby, Su Yong and claiming Dr. O'Reilly is the father. Will the 4077 have to relocate? For once, Frank comes up with the good idea: blood tests. But will these tests give Radar the answer he wants? Written by LA-Lawyer

During a lull in the fighting, Hawkeye and Trapper try to find ways to keep occupied. First they put Frank in a crate in the middle of the night while he is sleeping. They also order a pair of gorilla costumes and play gin as they are wearing them. Frank then asks them to perform hernia surgery on him while the lull is on. Unfortunately, the fighting starts again and as they are performing surgery the camp gets hit with friendly fire. Written by Brian Washington Sargebri@att.net

Henry calls an emergency meeting for all officers to apprise them that their supply lines have been cut and there are several items and foodstuffs they will not receive until further notice. Henry places Radar in charge of housing, Trapper, power and heating, Hawkeye, mechanics and toilet paper, Father Mulcahy, morale, Frank, food distribution and conservation, and Margaret, the nurses. Shortages and sleepovers make odd bedfellows...if only the supply trucks would roll again! Written by LA-Lawyer

Working on the four-time wounded and highly decorated Private Weston, Frank asks Hawkeye if he is paid hourly; and Trapper serenades the O.R. Hawkeye notices all of Weston's bruises and injuries seem to result from brawling; Weston confesses he is gay. Frank finds out and wants to report Weston as subversive, unfit for duty and get him a Dishonorable Discharge. The guys know they cannot appeal to Frank's better self so they resort to the tried and true method: blackmail. Written by LA-Lawyer

Mail call yields goodies like photos and cookies (Trapper) and a huge knitted sweater (Hawkeye) but Henry gets only canceled checks. Frank's stock portfolio doubled since the war began but when he tells the guys they are less than thrilled. Margaret takes it as a near proposal of marriage. Klinger's father is dying for the 18th time; his file is full of familial death and pregnancy. Frank finds Hawkeye's letter to his father about Pioneer Aviation so Frank asks Radar to cable his brokers to liquidate and buy Pioneer. Radar has a pen pal named Mary Jo Carpenter; he tells Hawkeye he sent Mary Jo Hawkeye's own photo and other info. Trapper gets ripped and packs to go AWOL. Will Radar 'fess up to Mary Jo? Will Trapper stay? How will Frank enjoy not being a millionaire? Written by LA-Lawyer

A helicopter crash introduces the 4077 to Colonel Sam Flagg, the well-built (says Hotlips) paranoid with a broken arm who refuses all painkillers. Colonel Flagg (who can also be identified as Major Brooks, Lt. Carter, Ensign Troy and Capt. Louise Klein) is CIA. Meanwhile, Trapper's friend, Vinny Pratt, also drops in; Vinny is Intelligence (G-2) and he wants to find out what Flagg is doing. Flagg is BIG, so his operation must be crucial. Because of Fr. Mulcahy, Vinny cannot be Capt. Perkins the priest, so he becomes Capt. Stone, the engineer. Vinny Pratt introduces himself to Henry as Major Strauss G-2 and tells Henry to call him Pratt. Flagg tells Hawkeye Flagg is Carter and Stone is really Martinez; so, if Martinez is there, the operation must be really BIG. Flagg is in the CID; he tells people he is CIA because it throws off people who think he is CIC. Then, Flagg re-breaks his own arm so he can continue treating...and spying. The surgeons have had more intelligence for one ... Written by LA-Lawyer