Keith Lemon (Leigh Francis) is preparing to take his invention, the securipole, which he has been attempting to lift off the ground for twenty years, to a business convention in London. Meanwhile, his girlfriend Rosie (Laura Aikman) has discovered that she is pregnant, but due to Keith being away, instead confides in his best friend, Dougie (Kevin Bishop). At the convention, the securipole fails to attract any big investor attention, and back at home, an order of 1,000,000 securipoles arrives, much to Rosie and Dougie's dismay. Realising that his invention may never be successful, and that he now owes Evil Steve (Leigh Francis) a ton of money for the securipoles, Lemon decides to stay in London, and takes the advice of fellow businessman Kushvinder (Harish Patel), and accepts the gift of a new style mobile phone that Kushvinder has invented. Attempting to turn the gift into his next money-making scheme, Lemon accepts an offer to appear on David Hasselhoff's prime time television chat ... Written by Anonymous

Taking over England's top football club Leeds United, previously successful manager Brian Clough's abrasive approach and his clear dislike of the players' dirty style of play make it certain there is going to be friction. Glimpses of his earlier career help explain both his hostility to previous manager Don Revie and how much he is missing right-hand man Peter Taylor who has loyally stayed with Brighton and Hove Albion. Written by Jeremy Perkins {J-26}