We watch the Onion News, America's Finest News Source, with Dana Dobbs, Senior Correspondent Kip Kendall, and award-winning anchor Norm Archer. In addition to watching the news, we see the program's commercials, some commentary on the film as it proceeds, and we watch some terrorists in training. Behind the scenes, Onion News's corporate owner, Global Tetrahedron, seeks synergy by promoting its other products within Norm's news broadcast. Norm doesn't like it, especially when a toy penguin (think Energizer Bunny) waddles across his desk promoting a Global Tetrahedron film starring Steven Seagal. But Norm may end up needing Steven's help. Written by jhailey@hotmail.com

Linda has a seemingly perfect marriage with her rugged and handsome husband Mark and an adorable 8 year old daughter, Chloe. But when Chloe is injured by an elderly babysitter who has slipped into dementia, Linda wants to ensure that her child is never hurt again. Initially, Heather, the new babysitter, seems like the ideal addition to this practically perfect family. But Heather is a schemer who exploits the cracks in Mark and Linda's relationship. As Linda later learns, to her horror, Heather's intentions go far beyond the mischievous.

A young woman's faith is put to the ultimate test when she is forced to uncover the truth behind her husband's horrific visions.