Shirley Twitch, a warden from the Eva Braun Borstal For Girls, is now down-and-out and Linda lets her pitch a tent in the back garden. They turn it into a campsite and even Suze and Jez decide to holiday there. Meanwhile, Tom has written a play for his heartthrob Simon Shepherd, who honors him with a visit. Written by don @ minifie-1

Tom has a one-line walk-on part as a lollipop man in 'Salmon', a surreal Japanese play supposedly starring Tom Cruise and staged in a converted fire station. After he and Linda have swapped school stories in the dressing room, where he breaks a sink, he forgets his one line and, billed for the sink, he and Linda must escape down the fire pole. Written by don @ minifie-1

Following his foster parents' deaths, Zippy, the son Linda gave up for adoption as a teenager, visits and takes her out for a makeover. Unfortunately they don't really bond and after Tom has delivered Suze's baby - videoed by Beryl to send to 'You've Been Framed' - in his presence, Zippy makes his escape, declaring You're all freaks! Written by don @ minifie-1

Tom has a part in a medical soap called 'Doctor Deaf', but Linda takes a real trip to the hospital after arguing with a bus conductor, falling off the bus into a shop window, and landing in Casualty with a saucepan stuck on her head. She is diagnosed with reverse body dysmorphic disorder, which explains why she thinks she's gorgeous. When Tom comes to fetch her home, he recognizes one of the doctors as former classmate Bart, who once spread around that Tom was a cross-dresser, so Tom punches him before leaving with Linda - who still has the pan on her head. Written by don @ minifie-1

Linda is offered a job modelling on a catwalk; Tom is offered a part in a musical and begins taking singing lessons from outrageous Heidi Honeycombe, who dresses like and gets on with Linda. Written by don @ minifie-1

When Suze suspects Jez of having an affair, Linda happily goes under cover to find him out. She soon has a more pressing problem: Tom has worn a bellboy part in the soap opera 'Crossroads', which requires him to leave London. To persuade him to stay, Linda pretends to have a terminal illness. Will he see through her ruse? Written by don @ minifie-1