Disillusioned school teacher Dan wakes to find he cannot find his trousers and his girl-friend Naomi, tired of his unrealistic attitude to life, in the process of leaving him. After his equally strange father, dressed in a bear suit, has assaulted him, Dan drives to school wearing old track suit bottoms but, when pupil Jason starts his work experience at a tailor's shop, Dan sees the chance to blag himself new trousers and accompanies the boy. However the tailor is not pleased to see that Dan is wearing his mother's panties and chases him out of the shop and down the ...

Brian insists on introducing Dan to his inspirational guru Dominic but when they meet Dan is more fascinated by the fact that Dominic has a very large bottom. Dominic tells Dan that he is aware of his peculiarity but has never let it get him down and teaches him control in a one-to-one situation. Feeling much more confident Dan visits Naomi to win her back but finds she has another boyfriend.

At a parent's evening Dan secures a date with the attractive mother of pupil Dennis though he is out of practice at dating so he asks Brian to go on a dummy run at a local restaurant to show him how to act. Unfortunately in the restaurant he sees the lady with another man - though it is quite platonic - as well as Naomi with her new boyfriend. He ends up making a scene and embarrassing himself so that next morning he is grateful to cleaner Mrs Wigmore for relieving his frustration. Jo, meanwhile, goes all out to publicize a gig by her friend Mickey Two Face.

Dan's friend, financial advisor Brian is nominated for the West Regional Small Business Awards and Dan goes to the presentation with him - wearing an ill-fitting suit donated by his spiteful father and sporting a bad haircut, due to an incompetent barber. His 'plus one' is Jo but she has dressed as a man as Dan did not want Naomi to recognize his date. Brian does not win the award and Dan feels the need to speak up for him - which is ill-judged. It does however win the admiration of Jo though the appearance of some unfriendly faces from Dan's past leads to a custard ...

After being pushed into his mother's Christmas tree by his evil father Dan decides to impress head teacher Emma by writing the end of term play 'Scrooge 3000', a musical set in space. He enlists the help of music teacher Frank Field-Williams, a reformed alcoholic, and everything seems to be going well until, on the eve of the production, Frank falls off the wagon and drinks so much it kills him. Disaster looms but happily a replacement pianist comes forward and, amazingly, the show is a hit, putting Dan well and truly into Emma's - albeit platonic - good books.