Why is the Satellite of Love malfunctioning? Who is the hooded figure that wants Bobo's soul? What is the purpose of the mystery ship following the SOL? Find out in MST3K's eleventh season opener, featuring the Joe Estevez epic Soultaker. Written by smcarter

In order to impress the Bureau of Mad Scientists Pearl unleashes the mephitic Girl in Gold Boots a Poorly acted, and even worse edited tale of a girl who attempts to make it big in LA as a dancer with the help of a petty thug. The dancers dress in oven bags, and bad guys are especially greasy and in the end it's got Mike and the bots dressing like mobsters and brain guy starts go go dancing! Written by Anonymous

A grandfather tells his grandson several horrifying stories involving the wizard Merlin and a stolen monkey doll in Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders (1996). Crow and Tom review each other, Servo accidentally turns Mike into an infant with magic, and the crew shows off a collection of Ernest Borgnine children's books. Written by skillwithaquill

The guys take a crack at Future War (1997) in which a man formerly enslaved by aliens escapes to modern-day Los Angeles but is being tracked by cyborgs and their trained dinosaurs. Mike and the Bots thank Pearl for not killing them which derails her plans. Tom makes himself a pair of legs so he can kick-box. Written by skillwithaquill

Crow takes a liking to smokeless tobacco until Pearl's love deprivation tests give him abandonment issues that only hot pads and a staple remover can cure. While fishing and risking explosive decompression, Crow verbally declares world domination through flesh eating shoes. Servo and Crow then try convincing Mike unsuccessfully that all scenes in every movie would be better if the actors/actresses were nude. Mike shows his defiance again when he argues against the protective cannisters at the end of the movie - apparently, Mike doesn't care if his 20' party sub gets ruined while crawling through the Amazon jungle. Finally, Pearl reveals her most diabolic plot yet - the Mer-Monkey, but a visit from Barnicle Bob proves the opposite effects of the experiment. Written by Titus Yorick

A smarmy professor and his dimwitted students camp out in an Arkansas swamp to search for Bigfoot in Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues (1984). Pearl makes up her own urban legend, Tom takes up whittling, and Crow tends to his fires. Written by skillwithaquill

In Track of the Moon Beast (1976), a mineralogist is hit by a meteor which causes him to transform into a lizard-monster. The Bots rush the Halloween season on the SOL and devote an episode of Legends of Rock to The Band That Played California Lady. Written by skillwithaquill

Joe Don Baker, clad in stereotypical cowboy garb tracks down an Italian mobster on the island of Malta. Meanwhile, Tom's dissatisfaction with the Yes song Owner of a Lonely Heart leads to the question of how it stacks up against everything else in the world. In Castle Forrester, Pearl tries to promote a loose work environment to increase productivity but her whimsy only makes the SOL feel sad and achy. The lack of continuity in the first portion of the movie resorts in the Bots complaining to Pearl while Mike demonstrates their point by tripping uncontrollably. Goosio then decides to visit the SOL as a good will ambassador but the Bots hate cute with a vengeance. Crow later presents his report on the island of Malta, which starts with basic facts and leads to a hatred fueled rant about how much Crow hates Maltese men. In the end, considering what happened the last time a Joe Don Baker movie was shown on the SOL, Mike is under the impression it's his turn to escape like Joel but the ... Written by Titus Yorick

William Shakespeare's classic play comes partially to life in this Made for German TV production. During Mike's introduction to the viewers, Tom announces he's changed his name to Htom Sirveaux (sounds the same, but it's not). Pearl's development of a new deadly virus that can kill off half the world's population by next morning is forgotten when Mike hustles Pearl into sending him a movie of his choice, though he should've been more specific with his suggestion. Crow and Tom try pretending to be the ghost of Mike's father, except that Mike's father is alive and well. The Bots begin storyboarding their own productions of Hamlet and even go as far as enacting an all musical instrument version to Mike. Mike and the Bots then play a rousing game of Alas Poor, Who? and have to try identifying a famous celebrity based solely on one of their bones. In the end, the Bots reveal their Hamlet action figure complete with a dialogue pull string, but the string is a little longer than Mike is ... Written by Titus Yorick

A man gets bit by a bat and turns into a horrible man-bat because, after all, isn't that what happens to everyone? Meanwhile on the SOL, Mike and the Bots plan to repaint the place and figure out how colors affect their emotions. Pearl then douses the crew with a mutating poison and the crew find themselves suffering from various side-effects despite Pearl's denial of the whole thing. Crow then becomes offended when Mike and Tom feel the heroine from the movie looks more like Mary Tyler Moore than he does (even though his hair is a wig), but he gets even when he and Tom inject several rabies vaccination shots into Mike's stomach. It turns out he just fell asleep while eating a creme puff though. Mike then tries to grow a mustache again based on the doctor from the movie and Pearl is only slightly impressed before Crow's bigger mustache proves to be much more impressive. In the end, Tom receives a disappointing package from the Buddy Ebsen Hat Distressing Corporation, but Observer and ... Written by Titus Yorick

A spider bitten dance producer terrorizes his bikini clad dancers after they're stranded on an island while on their way to Singapore. Meanwhile, Crow publishes his own syndicated column in the Boston Globe, though it's not as substantial as Larry King's. In order to save money on her monkey license, Pearl has Castle Forrester moved to a nicer neighborhood though not with Observer's help, which has certain financial consequences. She later has to move back when she learns she can't dump garbage out her window. After getting caught in a giant spider web, Mike plays the role of dance producer and has Pearl and her minions audition to join his own Singapore-bound troop. Then, after recreating the plane crash from the movie to test a theory, Mike gets bitten by a giant spider and becomes one himself though the resemblance isn't nearly as apparent to Tom and Crow. In the end, Pearl has to explain the birds and the bees to Prof. Bobo. Written by Titus Yorick

A short depicts the importance of springs by a satanic spring sprite to an unappreciative doughy guy while a Georgia town is terrorized by electrified flesh eating worms the same day a northern interloper comes to town. During the movie breaks, Mike and the bots check the SOL's safety equipment, all of which have already been used for either gym class or shooting it off in Mike's face. The crew is then terrorized by Mikey, the Mike sprite after Crow wishes Mike didn't exist for the sake of argument. Down in Castle Forrester, Pearl throws her first annual Castle Forrester Fair, which involves low altitude bungee jumping and fried ape hair. Tom finds the southern atmosphere of the movie contagious until Mike injects him with pastrami and Crow mimics the younger sister with the patchy pants and platform shoes, but he goes a little overboard with the shoes. Mike then uses the ship's reactor to turn his own worm collection into a race of flesh eaters, which ultimately fries them all into ... Written by Titus Yorick

Pearl accidentally destroys the device controlling the Satellite of Love, sending the ship into a deadly trajectory towards Earth, but Mike and the bots have enough time to watch one last film: the '60s Euro-spy classic Danger: Diobolik.

When zany mad scientist Dr. Clayton Forrester and his loopy assistant Frank get bored with their work at the Deep Thirteen research center, they kidnap Joel the janitor and shoot him into orbit on the Satellite of Love. While in space Joel builds wacky robot sidekicks Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot to help him withstand an onslaught of grade 'Z' movies that the mad scientists force him to watch. Written by Jeremy Lunt durlinlunt@acadia.net