Rather than be saddened by the news, Beatrice and Lillian are overjoyed at the death of their friends, the Claudette sisters, as it means there are now two spots open on the Newport 400, comprised of the four hundred most important people in all of Newport, two spots which they are sure will go to them. They have to impress the Marquis de Sainsbury, he alone who decides who makes it into the 400. The one obstacle they learn of is who Hortense has invited to the induction ceremony party, namely Helen Keller, who Hortense is sure will upstage her sisters. Despite not knowing who she is, Beatrice and Lillian have to figure out how to neutralize the Keller factor. Meanwhile Peepers has hired a new domestic named Celine. However the Bellacourts give her a new what they consider more appropriate name: Chair. Some in the household know more about Chair than they let on to the others. And Beatrice and Frederick lament the fact that they can't marry each other. Written by Huggo

Dodo inviting widowed Pussy Von Anderstein to Bellacourt Manor as a potential wife for Frederick has a profound effect on many in the manor. Pussy ends up being two things unexpected: divorced/not widowed, and sexually emancipated. The latter issue is directed toward Garfield and Frederick, who respond to her specific sexual peccadillo in different ways. Regardless of Frederick's initial disinterest in Pussy in his continued devotion to Beatrice, Beatrice does whatever she needs to to ensure Frederick remains hers. And Pussy being divorced gives Lillian the idea that she could divorce Victor, or at least give Victor reason for divorcing her, the idea more fervent in her mind after their one monthly procreation sex. If divorce is not an option, she is not averse to killing him. But a third option comes into play, which could be a win-win-win-win-win solution for Lillian, Victor, Beatrice, Albert and Frederick. And Hamish confronts Chair about what he knows about her Celine past. Written by Huggo

Now that Lillian and Beatrice have paid Victor and Albert off $2 million to pretend to be dead, they have to hold the mock funeral which will be populated by potential wealthy replacement husbands, in Beatrice's case some that hopefully resemble a certain twin brother. But Victor and Albert presumably being dead has an impact on others. Frederick doesn't know if he can do it with Beatrice anymore with the ghost of Albert hovering over him. Chair is assigned the responsibility of telling the children that their fathers are dead. And Victor and Albert themselves, in what should be the bliss of their cabin hideout alone together, can't seem to behave like a loving couple without the presence of their wives. Meanwhile, Peepers receives a visit from his older brother, who has to get Peepers to attend another funeral, that is if Dodo will allow him an afternoon off. Written by Huggo

After Peepers catches Chair in a service faux pas, he, realizing that he has not trained her well enough, puts her through a rigorous soul-busting training regimen. Meanwhile, this year's edition of Newport's Most Beautiful Pageant, which will again be held at Bellacourt Manor, will not only be open to vegetables as it has in past years, but rather solely cabbages in the vegetal category, babies, and - gasp - human women, with the winner's picture to be featured on the side of a biscuit tin. Aghast at such a prospect of human contestants, the Newport Association of Gal Spinsters (N.A.G.S.), of which Hortense is a member, vows to ruin the pageant from the inside choosing one of their own as a contestant. However, both Lillian and Beatrice are determined to win. With Albert, having grown the winning vegetable the past five pageants, still in a coma albeit now without the tomahawk in his chest, and thus unable to participate, Victor decides to coach the biggest vegetable he knows for the... Written by Huggo

The Commodore returns to Bellacourt Manor with a handsome chef in tow who catches Hortense's eye, and Frederick undergoes psychological evaluation to see if he's fit for a Senate seat. Down in the servant's quarters, Hamish finds a way to blackmail Chair. Written by Blondexilla

It's Lillian's birthday. Peepers has organized her birthday parties since before Lillian was born to the Bellacourt's exacting standards. This year, however, Peepers comes down with a malady in the middle of the party, the prognosis which is not good either for him or the party. A question is whether the Bellacourts will do whatever required to save Peepers. Lillian receives a surprise guest for the party, namely her first fiancé, Charles Ponzi, who left her at the altar, and who she has not seen since. Lillian still has a soft spot down there for Charles, who comes both with his servant boy, Tabu, who has his own soft spot for someone in the manor, and an interesting investment scheme. And Hortense, who always had been told that she was barren, learns that she is not. She has to decide how best to handle her delicate situation. Written by Huggo

After reading in the newspaper about the fame that certain people have achieved, Lillian decides the next step in becoming more famous is to be kidnapped. So she arranges for herself to be kidnapped. Being the victim of a kidnapping isn't quite what Lillian expects. Conversely, the kidnapper, despite being paid, doesn't experience what he expects having Lillian as his victim. Meanwhile, with the Commodore still away, Dodo orders Peepers to escort her to a society function masquerading as her husband. Peepers learns if, as the most expert of servants, he can act as a master, and if so, how far he will go in acting Dodo's husband. And Blanche secretly tries on a dress that Beatrice has discarded out of anger. Seeing Blanche in that dress, Beatrice believes she has met a new friend named Blanche, not realizing that her new friend is truly her old servant. Written by Huggo

Believing that it is his duty as a senator, Frederick has managed to get himself pre-engaged to Celery Savoy, one of the most sought after single women in Newport. Based on this news, Beatrice, taking another cue from Frederick, believes the only way to get what she wants, which is Frederick back as her own, is to stay a baby forever. Lillian, however, has always wanted Celery as a friend. To foster that friendship, Lillian hosts a seventeen course dinner party for Celery's dog, Dumpling. Frederick's pre-engagement could be threatened not only by Beatrice but an action by Dodo. As such, Dodo decides she needs to get herself drug-free. Peepers, who has been trained to say yes, Madam to any request by Dodo, may have difficulty in abiding by her wishes in this matter. And Chair tries to corrupt Garfield for her own benefit. Written by Huggo

Lillian's new friends invite her to a beach party, and Beatrice is brought to Thomas Edison for a forbidden experiment. Blanche receives a mysterious letter from the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory, and Garfield tries to keep the family from falling apart. Written by Blondexilla

It's Frederick and Celery's wedding day. Feeling the urge for morphine again, Dodo wants to ensure she doesn't do anything improper to risk getting rid of Frederick after all these years. But in Dodo's move, she may be at the mercy of Chair, as Dodo is one of the last people Chair has to get rid of to get what she wants. Lillian and Beatrice are still out on the street with Garfield, the three who are trying to get back to Bellacourt Manor to stop the wedding. Lillian has to resort to extreme measures to make it on time. But something else happens that could forever change the Bellacourts' standing within Newport. Written by Huggo